I’m Choosing to Optimize Joy
A recovering perfectionist learns to choose happiness over productivity
The best run I went on recently was a quick little run from the metro station to meet some friends for dinner. It was unexpected, but it was fun. I’ve been trying to go on runs of various durations and distances and really diversify my running. Performance-obsessed runners would criticize and demand consistency, but when I was running perfect 1.5-mile runs and stressing over my time, I was the most stressed and unhappiest runner.
I’ve been thinking a lot about our society’s obsession with optimization and productivity, the hyper-fixation of perfection and continuous quality improvement—the glorification of hustle culture and the systems that lead to burnout, overworking, and unsustainable habits.
Last fall, after a traumatic personal event, I was pushed to really evaluate the life I was living. It became abundantly clear that I was overcommitted, too stressed, and overextended. I challenged myself to change patterns and behaviors that didn’t serve me. One of these behaviors was my continued obsession with relentless improvement.
In my zeal to accomplish it all, I often forgot to have fun and live a joyful life. My husband and loved ones tell me I need to stop worrying so much and have fun. Recently, in response to my wanting to add another lofty project, my mom kindly told me to do less and enjoy life.
This all felt foreign to me because I pride myself on constantly improving, aiming for the best, and optimizing whenever possible. I was the lady who found the most nutritionally balanced alternative for rice—loaded with grains, fiber, and more! (We’re back to white rice now.) I would look at every corner of my life, wanting to streamline and optimize.
Last summer, I was obsessed with drinking smoothies made with celery, green apple, spinach, cucumber, dates, and coconut water. If that sounds gross to you, it’s because it was. I drank that smoothie every day after researching nutrition and health to create the “perfect green smoothie.”
One day, Leif asked me, “Do you even like that smoothie?” Puzzled, I said, “It’s great!” Challenging me further, he said, “I didn’t ask if it was healthy, I asked if you LIKED IT.” I sat there in silence for a moment before I admitted, not actually.
“Of course you don’t, because that’s a gross smoothie and tastes bad.” He wasn’t wrong. I was so preoccupied with making “the healthiest and best smoothie ever” that I forgot to consider my own enjoyment.
It’s hard to shake the urge to optimize, but I am trying my hardest. Now, I try to slow down on my walks and to enjoy my surroundings. To eat the things that bring me joy and happiness, even if they aren’t as nutritionally optimized. To say no to commitments that I won’t enjoy. And to step away from things that bring stress rather than happiness.
I’ve noticed that obsessing over optimization erodes my creativity, sanity, and happiness. The world is difficult enough without us freaking out over whether we are doing things in the most productive and outcome-focused way. Sometimes you have to move where the energy is and prioritize your happiness and well-being.
Ultimately, sometimes we do need to think about how to achieve the best possible performance, but not everything warrants that. It’s a fine balance that I’m still learning. So I’m choosing to optimize my life for joy. Much like my running, I’m going to do what makes me happiest rather than obsessing over my performance.